Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Mailman Always Delivers

I was hired to be principal of a school coming off a rough experience with the former principal.  My predecessor had been mired in various sex scandals.  By the time I arrived, anyone associated with the school who had a penis, from the custodian to the school police liaison, was rumored to have screwed her.

According to legend, she was that good looking, and dressed the part.  Our sixth grade boys weren't too happy to see the young curvy female replaced with a dude with a huge nose.

I started on the job in the summer prior to school resuming.  The building was generally empty and I was able to get a lot of paper work done.  Every day I would have to stop to buzz the mailman into the building.  He was nice guy, but he loved to make small talk.  No doubt this guy had an incredible internal clock because he would small talk me for something like 45 seconds every day and exit as quickly as he arrived to continue his route.

I hate small talk, and this guy was always bringing up the most obvious types of topics (the weather, local baseball results, traffic, etc.).  Try having a conversation with a virtual stranger about the fact that it's hot out in the summer day after day for 45 seconds.  It sucks.

But like I said, he was nice guy and it certainly would have been rude to do this to him (jump to about the one minute mark :), so I just dealt with the boring chit chat each day.

So one day he comes in and throws down the mail and starts in about how hot it's been, and how he was at his kids baseball game the night prior and how muggy is was there, and can you believe how many mosquitoes we've had this summer, and blah, blah, blah.  I started filling teacher mailboxes with the mail as he talked so I didn't have to look at him while he babbled.

"So I guess you're not going to show me your tits, huh?"  Did I hear that correctly?

"Um, excuse me?" I said turning, suddenly more interested as it appeared we were done talking about the heat wave.

"Yeah, the other principal, that lady.  She'd always bend over and give me a good eye-full of her tits every day.  It was great man.  But you've been here a month, and I'm starting to get the impression you're not going to do that for me."

I certainly had a good laugh with the guy.  I apologized for letting him and down and pointed out that I'm not sure he'd find my chest hair quite as arousing.

As I was I talking, he waved good and hit the road.  Our 45 seconds were up.

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