Tuesday, October 9, 2012

It's The Little Things That Piss Me Off

Impossible mandates, crazy parents, bullying (or the aforementioned crazy parents belief that every unpleasant second of their child's day constitutes bullying...)... Sure those things are job irritants.  But it's the little things, the day-to-day things, that really drive me nuts.  Do I have bigger problems?  You bet.  Right now though, I'm not worrying about them.

It's 2012.  Time To Master Sending An E-Mail

I'm sure many of us have some good one's for this.  The worst culprits are the 'reply to all' folks.  This wouldn't be such an annoyance if it weren't the same handful of dumb asses every time.  They e-mail the entire building their vote for the soda machine just to make sure we all of have an extra dozen emails to plod through at the end of the day. These are also usually the same people who e-mail the whole district with the forwards about puppies being killed if no one adopts them, or pictures of cats with crabby faces just to lighten those Mondays we all hate.

Who doesn't also love the people who simply cannot send an e-mail with the attachment on the first try.  Then we get the second e-mail with the cute apology, "Oops!  Would help if I actually attached it!!! :)"

Heaven Isn't Too Far Away

"How are you?" isn't always meant as a literal question in American culture.  Of course, not everyone gets this.  Virtually every place I've ever worked has a minimum of one person who seems to be dying a little more each day- and wants everyone to know about it.  The simple mistake of throwing out the old, "How are you?" results in being trapped into hearing about upcoming surgeries, out-of-control allergies, migraines, etc. (knee brace companies making a killing on this group).  Information about sick family members and pets is never too far away either.  These people usually take every single allotted sick day every year, but never actually resign or die. I currently have a woman working for me who if I'm scoring at home, has had every organ other than her skin removed.  That's scheduled for July I believe.   

The Days Of The Week People

Schools are made up of hallways which all staff pass through each day.  As an administrator, I find myself moving through the halls more than most staff, and as I result I walk past staff many times each day.  For some reason, many staff members are apparently uncomfortable without saying anything to the person they're passing.  A friendly 'good morning' works as the day begins, but I don't see the need to greet the same person 5 times a day.  Apparently others do- and they seem to default to making a comment about the day of the week.

"Boy I hate Mondays! (insert lame office place smile)... "This weeks half over!"... and my personal favorite "TGIF!  Right?!"  These are the same people who you pray you don't get stuck talking to at that party your wife is making you go to.  People who have nothing to say, but insisting on saying something anyway.

This Coffee Cake Is DELICIOUS! 

Teachers are eaters.  I've never worked at a school that didn't hunt for reason to cater food, bake, or organize a pot luck.  Let me re-state that- they hunt for a reason to eat on days other than Friday which is already an assumed eating day.

On any of the events, the teachers lounge quickly becomes engulfed in egg casseroles, yogurts, pre-cut fruit and cheese trays, coffee cakes, and anything that has zero calories and tons of aspartame.  Staff snack a little together and then begin their day... but not everyone....

Every staff has at least  one person who can be found back in the lounge at all points in the day picking at the left overs (usually a teaching assistant...).  When they are walked in on, mouth stuffed, frosting on the sides of their mouth, they'll usually comment on how wonderful the food is and how they just had to have one more bite (instead of working with kids).  Repeat next Friday.

The Defilers 

Look.  We all have to go to the bathroom sometime.  Most schools have multiple staff washrooms.  Yet for some reason, there is always a couple staff members who have no problem heading to the washroom closest to the teacher's lounge, during lunch time (highest traffic point of the day), and taking a huge stinky crap.  Of course, no one will go in there afterward.  Not only because the scent is bending the mirror, but also because they're afraid that if they are seen walking out, they'll be blamed for producing an odor which induces small seizures.  You want to eat at Applebee's on a school night?  Hey, it's your colon.  Go find another toilet to destroy.  Oh, and thanks for the two spritzes of air freshener.  Who doesn't enjoy the scent of human shit in a pine tree?

Isn't it odd these are all usually the same person/people...?


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