"The Talk"

So everybody hates the sex talk day, right?  Students and staff are equally uncomfortable as they together cover periods, erections, why you need deodorant, pimples, etc. all usually narrated by someone whose voice would lead you to believe they are molester of some variety.  It's a day few look forward to.

Believe me, I fully support teaching this material.  When I was growing up the landscapers ran over a page from a nudie magazine that must have blown into the field.  When recess came around, we found several shredded one inch pieces of paper with various female body parts exposed.  If the Holy Grail were sitting out in the same field we would have fully ignored.  My shredded one inch half-nipple shot combined what I learned in the back of bus route #7 from Jeff Hagmann who had an older brother who had apparently experienced some things marked my sex education outside what school provided.  With the Internet making sexual material as accessible as ever before, guidance from school is probably more important than half the shit we waste time on (who cares what the state capitals are... Google it if you want to know!).

This year, as always, we piled our nervous adolescent fifth graders onto a bus and took them to a center which handles a portion of the days teaching.  The boys and girls are divided up when they arrive.  Each group is shown a video about puberty, sexual reproduction, 'you may begin to show interest in the opposite sex', etc.  At one point the video mentioned that 'as you begin to grow up, you may experience wet dreams' and continued on to offer some explanation.

When the movie ended, the presenter said the all important words- "Are there any questions?"  Crickets.  There never are.  The students are just too uncomfortable to ask.  But then a hand went up from one of the sweetest, kindest students in the grade.

"So, if I start having dreams about oceans, that means I'm growing up right?"

Oh, boy....