Friday, August 17, 2012

Something Stinks Here... (and it's not the lousy coffee)

The weekend before I was set to begin my new teacher orientation at the middle school I had been hired at, my mother sent me a forward.

I pretty much have a strict 'no forwards' policy with all people I know, but particularly with my mother.  Of course the difference is that mom doesn't listen and continues to send along crap about "In God We Trust" being taken off of coins, dumb political half truths, as well as information about community events that are aimed at the elderly and don't serve drinks.

This time however, her forward was about teaching.  It was the typical crappy worn story about a teacher who made a difference in the life of a child who no one believed in.  Of course the kid became a highly successful member of society and returned to tell the teacher how much she'd meant to him (Cue the tears).

Monday morning I arrived to begin my orientation.  The morning was filled with highly uncomfortable "get-to-know-you" games better suited for 5th graders than adults, bad coffee, and power points filled with motivational quotes (a starfish is like a child...).  Finally, the morning mercifully ended and we were ushered to the cafeteria for a free lunch.

Then we got a real surprise.  The new Superintendent was going to be welcoming us while we ate!  Move over Elvis!

The new Superintendent had just arrived from a district about 45 miles away which she'd left in shambles.  Her reputation was cloudy at best right out of the gate.  She said the standard welcome to the district type stuff ("We're excited you're here!", "This is going to be a great year!", "If there's anything I can ever do to help, don't hesitate!").

"And never underestimate the impact you can have on a child. (Dramatic pause) As I leave and let you get back to your delicious lunch, let me share a story from when I was a teacher.  I've written it down."

The Superintendent then produced a folded piece of paper from her purse and proceeded to read the EXACT forward my mother had sent me the night before. When she got to the end she cried as the new teachers ripped up in applause!  She plagiarized a fucking forward!  I don't even know if that's a crime!

Obviously, my remaining time in the district was spent distrusting her phony smiles and enthusiasm after she attempted to dupe us as part of a first impression.

Oh, and if you don't send this tale to seven friends in the next hour your crush won't ask you out and bad things will happen to you.

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